A child, especially a boy, who grows up without a father often struggles to build long lasting relationships. The foundational launching pad for trust—the bond with a father—crumbles when a father abandons their child during their formative years. This void creates a pattern of distrust, a fear of letting people in, and a distorted personal identity.
Without someone to affirm children, by saying “I love you,” a warm cuddle, or to lift them onto their shoulders, a child’s personal identity is violated and distorted. This lack of affirmation and stability leads to challenges during adolescence, such as difficulty forming lasting friendships. The emotional instability can drive these young individuals to seek acceptance in peer groups, which may seem to fill the void but often leading to worse problems such as substance abuse. As the saying goes, “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
Where is my firm foundation?
The yearning for recognition, stability, and identity becomes a desperate cry: “Where is my dad? Where is my security? Where is my stability? Where is my firm foundation?” This outcry manifests in feelings of loneliness, abandonment, rejection, and confusion—especially for young people.
What they need is someone to step in, place a hand on their shoulder, and assure them: “You are not alone. There are people who care about you.” Whether it’s their mother, sister, big brother, or extended family, these individuals form the support group that can bridge the gap and provide the stability they are seeking.
Beyond family, the community plays a crucial role. Neighbors, teachers, pastors, and peers who have faced similar challenges can offer guidance and reassurance. Someone who comes alongside them, telling them, “You are not rejected; you matter,” can make all the difference. The very fact that they are alive is proof that God cares for them, having placed within them the potential and capacity to conquer adversity, overcome challenges, and solve problems. Not only that, they can become living testimonies—solutions for others facing the same struggles.
This is the challenge we face: the epidemic of absent fathers and the toll it takes on children. It’s a problem in South Africa, in Zimbabwe, across the African continent, and even in Western nations like the United States and Europe. Fatherlessness leaves a void that must be filled by those willing to teach, support, and assure these children, meeting their psychological need for a sense of belonging.
In my book, I aim to address this pressing issue—an issue that grips and oppresses communities and societies. I was a child, became a young man, and now I am a mature person who grew up under the care of my mother after my own father left the family, intending to study abroad. What began as a bright and hopeful family with immense potential became a nightmare. But I am here to testify that I survived, and I thrived.